The Swamp of Family Dysfunction

Bogged down. Swamped. Struggling to find solid ground. Searching for a way out of the muck and the mire. Praying for rescue.

It was a crisis with one of my children that brought me to this place. This counselor's office. And now I sit on a couch pouring my heart out to a stranger.

As I wipe away my tears and try to collect my thoughts, I hear these words,

"You and your children are being emotionally abused."

Those words stunned me. Sucked the breath out of my lungs. Stopped the passage of time. Yet in the next moment, I knew this counselor was right...

How did I let this happen?

After almost 3 decades of marriage, everything I thought I knew changed in that instant. I didn't know it at the time, but my understanding of family, marriage, scripture and everything else was about to be shaken as I began to recognize the dangerous swamp we called home.

Over the years, we lost ground little by little. As I tried to be the dutiful wife and teach my children to honor their father, we got pulled deeper and deeper into the swamp.

Always trying to navigate our way yet never gaining solid ground. Living with an uneasy feeling that its not supposed to be this way.

How can we make life better? What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently this time? Will this next venture finally make my husband happy?

My kids would ask, "Why is dad mad at me...again?" Then they'd say something like, "If only I wasn't so (selfish, lazy, rude, disrespectful...) dad would like me."

Swamps are difficult to traverse.

Because of the heavy fog, it's hard to see clearly and it's easy to get lost. My children and I were lost. No sure footing. One wrong step and one of us may drown.

In this swamp of family disfunction, each of us felt we would never measure up. Never be good enough. We can't please dad and we can't please God.

If you realize you are living in a swamp of family dysfunction, its time to prepare yourself to move! There's a safe home for you outside of the swamp.

Start Learning.

Keep reading. Begin educating yourself with the truth about abuse and learn what you can do to be safe. (Here's a list of books and resources to get started)

Build a support team able to help you navigate the swamps of domestic abuse. Don't try to go alone. Find people who know the terrain. People familiar with that which entangles us.

I encourage you to contact your local domestic abuse center and abuse recovery group. They understand the hazards up ahead. And they are trained to help you navigate the way out of the swamp.