Will he Change?

For years, I've asked myself, "Will he change?" and "Will this be what finally makes him happy?" And then I've waited in hopeful anticipation for a miracle.

Are his apologies sincere? Is he changing? What should I do now?

These are some of the questions I have asked myself every day for the last 6 months- every day since I asked my husband to leave. This mindset keeps me in a constant state of analyzing motives and actions. And its driving me crazy!

How will he act the next time I have to deal with him?

Will he be repentant and accept responsibility for his own life's mess or will he play the victim and shift the blame to me again?

Say No More

This morning, I realized I am living on a pendulum of emotional turmoil and its time to say, "No more."

Analyzing his behavior keeps me in a constant state of imbalance. Even though my husband no longer lives within the walls of my home, he still controls the state of my heart. Because I have let him.

Define My Goals

Today I have decided I am done. I am done waiting to see what he will do. I am done trying to keep peace at all cost. I am done analyzing his behavior to determine if he will be safe today. I will no longer be swayed by the roller-coaster of his emotional state.

I will plot my own course. I will keep my focus. I choose healing for myself today.

Lundy Bancroft, author of the book Why Does He Do That? puts it this way: The key question isn't "Is he going to change?" It is, instead, "What kind of life do I want to live, and how do I get there?"

Get Inspired

I will learn whatever it is I need to know. I will be brave even when I feel terrified. I will take one step at a time. I have mastered survival. Today I choose to live.

If you are faced with a similar situation, I encourage you to build a support team able to help you move forward. Don't try to go alone. The path is difficult but you can do it!