Brain Damage?

As my counselor so eloquently put it, I have over 20 years of brain damage from emotional abuse.

In other words, I don't know how to think properly.

He advised me to start attending a local abuse recovery group and begin the process of learning to think differently. I also needed to assemble a support network and give them permission to speak into my life.

He said I needed to listen to other people - healthy people - who would show me the truth and point out what was wrong. My own internal voice should not be trusted. I needed to learn to live differently and I needed to start now.

So I did. I gathered every ounce of strength I had and stumbled into the support group.

Lesson Number One

Living with emotional abuse had certainly affected the way I thought. It was kind of like the boiled frog analogy. Little by little the heat was turned up causing me to try harder. Serve more, love more, submit more.

And so I kept going, trying to fix everything and everyone. But then one day, my body said, "Enough" and wouldn't function ANYmore. I thought I was dying.

Its amazing how God orchestrates circumstances to bring about healing. And now I was ready to hear what the Lord had been saying but I could not hear. I had no other option but to listen.

During my first ARMS (Abuse Recovery Ministry and Services) meeting, with tears streaming down my cheeks, I wrote down this quote:

I prayed the Lord would give me strength to believe I could change my story. Everything looked so bleak and I was afraid.

Then the Lord brought to mind the scripture in Timothy 1:7 which says, "God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and a self-discipline."

It was time for me to take responsibility for my own choices and I determined to no longer take ownership of anyone else's. It was time to focus on me and get healthy.

How about you? In what ways might you choose to think differently today?